From Dawn:
Is it over!? Well yes and no.
The 11th annual InterNational Prisoners’ Family Conference is over. It lasts just a little bit longer than a Family Reunion Program (Trailer) Visit in NY state. Not that Jose and I have been fortunate to have those, but I hear the time goes very fast and it is a precious, celebrated family time together, and having to leave your loved one is a heartbreak, just like leaving the IPFC conference.
The conference has an intimate family reunion feeling. Even first time attendees bond very quickly with others that have been attending for years. I believe it is the nature of the hardships we share together, having incarcerated loved ones, and sharing our struggles of the ‘justice system’ that we cut quickly and deeply to each others hearts.
We share our deepest pain that even some of our “closest” friends and family may not know. Having this space of support, trust and release also makes the joys and celebrations we share so much sweeter.
| Dawn and Kerry provided a self-empathy Circle session found to be especially enlightening and comforting by those who participated. |
This depth of sharing and listening, as well as the sorrow and celebration, was certainly alive in our Circle process workshop on self-empathy.* I was delighted and honored to facilitate this process with my dear friend and collaborator, Kerry Gant.
We asked two questions in our circle: 1) What barriers in your life impede or prevent self compassion? 2) In what ways do you show yourself compassion?
It was moving to see the willingness of participants to share from such a deep and genuine place and the deep connections that were made among others as well as to themselves. The flow of the circle moved through expressions of grief. regrets and self punishment.
| Spontaneous hugs following our Circle activity were indication of the joy that comes with sharing. |
Then we put a balm on wounds by sharing our self care strategies (stay tuned we will be posting those.) Oh, and we did have some fun!!
One of the most affirming comments of the circle experience came from Barbara Allan who said, “That really got to peoples’ souls.”
That sums up the magic of the circle process. For me, having a space for this depth of sharing is one of the most meaningful aspects of the conference experience. That is the magic of the Prisoners’ Family Conference experience.
The impact that this conference has on everyone is not over when the conference ends nor the connections we make and continue to develop over the year/s. The conference is our time to share and grow together in the same time and place for an extraordinary few days.
We will stay connected to each other and grow in those connections. We will share both on and offline our struggles to support our loved ones inside as well as ourselves and each other. We will continue the fight to improve the system for our loved ones. And we will come together again in 355 days (but who’s counting!)
*Unfortunately due to the time and space constraints, we had to limit and close our session. We hope to offer 2 different themed circles next year allowing more people to experience the process.
From Jose:
It’s hard to believe the Prisoners’ Family Conference has passed and this was my second year attending via phone. Again it was exciting to meet new people, and listen in on two speakers’ stories I won’t soon, if ever, forget.
| Dawn with Barbara Allan on the plane on their way to the conference. This is one way Dawn chooses to introduce me to her friends on the outside – through pictures. |
On the way to the conference Dawn was bumped from her flight so we had a chance to speak before her flight to Dallas. Suddenly she noticed on FB that Barbara Allan was on her way to Dallas from the same airport. Dawn had just said “I wonder if she will be on the same flight. That will be great.” Then she suddenly spotted Barbara!
We are admirers of Barbara, especially since reading her book “Doing Our Time On The Outside” and learning about all she has done for prisoners’ families.
Later when I called back Dawn asked if I wanted to speak with Barbara. Absolutely! It was an honor to talk to her. She told me to come home soon and I said I would see her at the conference.
The first story I want to speak about is Terrence. To be incarcerated at the age of 12! I was 16 when I came to prison and I certainly felt hopeless, serving 25 years to life and witnessing all the violence around me. I can’t imagine doing it at the age of 12.
Thinking back over the years and what got me through, hope is probably on the top of the list. I did get teary eyed when Terrence told the story of his friend who committed suicide. An all too common tragedy in prison. He attributed his own survival and success to his parents and Carolyn Esparza, for 30 years of continuous support and belief in him. To stay connected through all those years is truly remarkable.
Terrence is a gifted speaker and motivated me to work on topics I would like to present when released.
The second story is of Peter and his son, Alex. I was moved by their story and what it represents for so many of us inside: love and support. Truly, no matter where one is when enduring a hardship, love and support is a blessing. The person may not be a father, as in some cases, but that doesn’t make the love and support any less significant. Being a part of others lives outside of prison helps us inside feel relevant, present, not forgotten.
Thank you all for making this year’s Prisoners’ Family Conference another great experience.
Editor’s Note: We are always excited to share the Insiders’ column with our readers, but sometimes wonder if others may think Dawn & Jose have an unusual relationship, because we don’t often hear others finding so many meaningful ways to share with one another from the outside – in or from the inside – out. We happen to think Dawn & Jose have found some meaningful and creative ways to be part of each other’s world, despite the obvious barrier prison creates for all relationships. It would be great to hear our readers’ thoughts on the information Dawn and Jose have been sharing with us over the past year. E-mail us your comments and your ideas for keeping relationships strong during a loved one’s incarceration.
Insiders of InterNational Prisoners' Family Conference 